Provider

I was re-watching the television series “Breaking Bad” and my attention was grabbed by an interchange between the main protagonist – Walter White – and his drug distributor Gus.   Walt was telling Gus that he no longer wanted to manufacture meth because of the negative impact on his relationship with his wife.  Gus responded with the argument that the role of a man was to provide even if there were consequences and that a man must step up and do whatever is needed to promote the financial  well being of his family.  This appeal to Walt worked and he relented and agreed to resume cooking meth.  The concept of men as providers as an essential part of the male code and has been challenged by the success of women in the workforce.   There are growing numbers of households where the wife out earns the husband or the husband is the stay at home parent while the wife is the primary bread winner.  In my view there is nothing inherently wrong with these changes in our society.  However, men who see being a provider as an essential part of their masculine identity experience these changes as a loss of their manhood with the resulting consequences of increases in depression, domestic violence and substance abuse.  We cannot change a man’s need to provide but we must help redefine the concept of being a provider so that it is not entirely based on a man’s income.

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