There was a small really disturbing  article in the New York Times, Sunday magazine section entitled “Computer Love” by Hope Reeves..  She described a new app called BroApp which allows guys to outsource their digital affections by sending automated texts to needy girlfriends.  Guys pick the messages, days and times, and the app does the rest.  She goes on to indicate that the app even has a “girlfriend safety lockdown,” which sends prying eyes to a list of gifts you were allegedly planning to buy her.  This is intended to mitigate any resentment of BroApp usage and she will think that the user is the best boyfriend.  Not sure if this story was tongue in cheek I googled BRoApp and found  that it really exists.  Their website tag line is,  “message your girlfriend sweet things so that you can spend more time with the Bros”.

Let me explain why I was upset.  For the record  I have no qualms with an appeal to the lover archetype of masculinity.  As men, our lover reflects a man’s ability to be compassionate, sexual and to connect with others – men and women – in relationship.  The reality is that we can have our lover operate in the light of in the shadow.   Using artificial means like BroApp  is a manipulative and insincere approach to growing a relationship with a woman and is certainly our lover acting in the shadow.   The other aspect that bothered me was the reinforcement of the stereotype that real men do not want to spend the time on communicating affection but would prefer to use that time hanging with the Bros.  This message only serves to diminish the importance of the lover in our lives and limits our ability to be fully connected with friends, family and lovers.  The best of masculinity is to embrace our lover in the light and learn to communicate in relationship with honesty and compassion.