A new word, “Bromance”, has crept into our gender behavior lexicon. Defined as a healthy, secure friendship between two heterosexual guys, usually single guys, although many times a bromance continues even when one of the guys in a relationship with a women.  Bromances are also called “man crushes” because of the level of affection the guys feel for each other. As an illustration, a man who may enjoy spending time together with another man more than with a female significant other would be told he has a bromance going on.

My concern is with the notion that we need an alternative to using the word friendship when referring to a close/intimate non-sexual  relationship between men.  I have a close male friend.  We have are both heterosexual and have been friends for 60 years.  We have shared the ups and downs of our respective life’s journeys – marriages, divorces, deaths, career success and failures.  Although geographically separated we speak at least once a week on the telephone and usually see each other in person once a year.   I would label the relationship as intimate in that we admit our vulnerabilities to each other without fear of being judged or shamed.   Yet when asked about my relationship with him I do not need to say anything other than that he is my best friend.  Calling it a bromance is unnecessary and somehow personally offensive.  Is describing close friendships among men as bromances or man crushes a means to avoid the appearance of being gay?  My suspicion is that the need for the new labels underscores the struggle men have with the concept of intimacy.    A confluence of  LBGT political correctness and the difficulty men have in forming intimate relationships in our modern culture have created the need for men to invent the artificial construct of bromance.  Historically, there are numerous examples of men in relationship with one another, even using the word love, that have nothing to do with sexual attraction.   (In a previous post I discuss the issue of male intimacy  in the context of men and gangs).   In a way characterizing relationships as bromances is an inverted form of  homophobia.  If I describe my relationship with another man as a bromance I am attempting to avoid the appearance that I am gay.   The focus on LBGT rights have inadvertently led to the need for hyper labeling our sexual orientation.   True tolerance of differences in our sexual preferences would obviate the need for men having to publically declare and self label that we are straight, gay, bi-sexual, or bromantic.  A closing thought, how come we do not need to create a word like “sismance” for women who have a non-sexual intimate relationship?