The following is an excerpt from an article in the Guardian.
“Can men really have it all?
And to some extent we have succeeded, judging by a survey of 5,000 UK fathers published this week by the charity Working Families which found 75% say they genuinely want to share the parenting load equally with their partners. Except, it seems, the outside world has yet to catch up.
One in five men said they had been asked, when requesting time off work for family reasons, where their wife or partner was. Translation: isn’t that her job? And perhaps, sotto voce: if in your house it’s not her job, what kind of man does that make you? Most of the other hurdles men reported – such as being challenged on whether the family crisis was really so urgent, or worrying that their boss would think less of them for asking – will be wearily familiar to most working mothers”.
There is somewhat of a disconnect between what men say about sharing parenting and how they might be judged in their workplace. Fortunately, it is only 20% of them who responded to the survey reported that they have gotten negative feedback at work for attending to parenting issues. I would guess that female bosses with children would be far more understanding since they have always managed the competing needs of career and parenthood.
The good news in the story is that most men have accepted the fact that sharing the responsibilities of child care is the norm. However, the article did not mention that many men have been doing this for quite a while. Most of my senior age peers, including me, regularly changed diapers and chauffeured children. I also recall that when I served as an elementary school principal many dads showed up for the annual Halloween costume parade. Men dressed in business suits obviously left work to watch their children parade in their Halloween attire.
Clearly a man asking to leave work for family reasons is still a problem, especially in non-professional work environments. In addition, a problem that I have mentioned in earlier blogs is the lack of outlets for male bonding, coupled with the demands of sharing child care, have left many men isolated from the company of other men outside of their work environments.
Solving the work-life dilemma is a problem for both genders. Women, because of cultural norms have had to deal with this issue far longer than men and have learned coping strategies that have helped them find a balance between career and parenting. For the most part, the changes in parenting norms for men has not resulted in finding a balance. Part of the problem, as mentioned in the Guardian article, is the attitude of bosses who think that a parenting problem should be responded to by mom not dad.
How then can men better handle the work-parenting dilemma while still finding a way to enjoy bonding with other men? A workplace where men are given time to meet periodically to talk about their issues with parenting and career would allow men to openly share their coping strategies and simultaneously enjoy the company of other men. For both genders, a mechanism to receive parenting advice that is part of their employee health benefits or EAP program is needed. A company provided parenting coach who can answer inquiries and provide parenting advice would enhance productivity and prove to be cost effective.