Recently I have facilitated several men’s groups in assisted living facilities and experienced a great sense of despair and hopelessness from the men who participated in the groups. A question that has come to mind, “Is this level of unhappiness greater for men than women?”
According to the best available research, women generally do better than men in assisted living and nursing home environments, especially in life satisfaction, social engagement and adjustment to facility life. Men, on average, report lower quality of life, less satisfaction with activities, and weaker social support networks. Women do face their own challenges – more medications, higher frailty – but overall they adapt more positively to communal living. In addition, in assisted living, women outnumber men by about 2:1. In nursing homes, the gap is even larger—typically around 3:1.
Women generally maintain more friendships and social ties throughout life. In assisted living, this translates into more peer connections, more participation in group activities and better emotional support from other women and families. Furthermore, women often adapt more readily to shared spaces, structured routines, and group-based programming. In contrast men’s expectations clash with the demands of facility life. Men in studies frequently reported fewer meaningful activities tailored to their interests, a loss of autonomy, discomfort with dependence and difficulty forming new friendships.
The message is clear. Gender neutrality in communal settings negatively affects men more than women. The challenge for assisted living and nursing homes facilities is how to enhance the quality of care for men that will also not negatively affect women. The loss of autonomy impacts both men and women. A solution that can be of benefit is to give the residents more input into their daily schedules. For example, instead of staff entering a resident’s room saying its time for your shower staff can discuss shower times first thing in the morning and offer alternative times for the resident to choose. The ability to choose increases one’s sense of freedom and control which is the essence of autonomy.
Communal living staff should create activities that more align with men’s interests. Generally, men are drawn to manual tasks like model building. Providing relatively inexpensive plastic or wooden models where men can work on them in the company of other men would be engaging. Additionally, constructing things using Legos, erector sets and similar kits would be of interest and would secondarily offer cognitive stimulation.
How about a movie activity where women can choose a movie that is more likely to be enjoyed by women and in a separate room show a movie that would be more appealing to men. Men tend to follow sports more than women. Why not invite a local coach to meet with interested men to learn about the intricacies of a particular sport. Video games, especially the action or sports oriented, are more appealing to men. Inviting a volunteer gamer to help men master the mechanics of gaming would ensure participation for those men not comfortable with technology.
Finally, as an ardent proponent of “Men’s Work” facilities should organize and encourage men’s groups that get together weekly to share their life’s journeys in the company of other men. A functional men’s group provides a safe place for reflection and building relationships.