It appears that some of our political and business leaders have come to the conclusion that men have become less “Macho” and need to demonstrate a retro type of toughness that they feel has been lost in our current culture. The problem is that they are reverting to the misguided macho trope that does not fit our post-feminist world. If we take the definition of macho as manliness then the problem is not whether we are sufficiently macho but how we express our manliness. When our President, accompanied by the Vice-President and two of his male cabinet secretaries, announced the bombing of Iran’s nuclear facilities their facial expressions looked like a deliberate attempt to be seen as tough guys. In addition, prematurely using the word “obliterate” to determine damage assessment was again an attempt to appear tough. I guess the thinking was that only tough guys can drop bombs.
I am not trying to get into a debate about the necessity for bombing Iran but rather I am attempting to make sense of why the decision to bomb had to be broadcast as a brand of toughness with an underlying belief that only men who scowl and use profanity can use military force. The question is how can a man be tough and not revert to the out-of-date man code?
Can a man who exhibits the best of masculinity still be tough? Let’s first go to the dictionary. Meriam-Webster defines toughness as “characterized by severity or determination and an uncompromising capability of enduring strain, hardship, or severe labor.” There is nothing in the definition that necessitates bravado, a lack of empathy and compassion, coupled with violent aggression.
Obviously, the dropping of a bomb is an act of violence. However, when the act is the result of thoughtful planning, a lack of viable alternatives, explained with regret and humility and focused to minimize collateral damage the male decision makers are not acting in the shadow of masculinity. Unfortunately, when powerful men like Elon Musk state in a Joe Rogan interview that, “The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy,” we have an example of a distorted view of toughness that those in political leadership are increasingly embracing in order to impress their followers that they are strong. Compassion and empathy are not indicators of weakness or a lack of manliness. Men who live in the light plan, make difficult decisions, act assertively utilizing violence only as a last resort and respect gender equality are examples of truly strong men.