Ramblings

Men & Media

Those of you who have been following my blogs know how angry I am about the way men are portrayed in television ads.  Men are depicted as screwing up and often need to be rescued by their female partners.  My guess is that advertisers think that this portrayal of men is appealing to women and to older guys who relate to times they have done something stupid or careless and have been bailed out by their female partners.  Even though I too am occasionally amused by these ads, I wonder how much these images of masculinity affect younger men and boys struggling to define their masculinity. It seems that the media puts men in one or more of these boxes -screw ups, hyper macho, effeminate. Where are the men who exhibit positive masculinity and are comfortable with being a man?  They exist but rarely appear in the general media sphere.

Provider

Generally speaking, one of the characteristics associated with traditional masculinity is being a provider, often the sole or majority provider for the family.  As women have achieved more equality in the workplace, whether married or single, they are less dependent on a male partner’s income.  Nothing inherently wrong with women earning more than their male partners but unfortunately some men perceive earning less then their female partners or women they would like to date as a diminishment of their masculinity.  A redefinition of the provider role is necessary.  Contributing to the financial well-being of a family is still providing even when a man is not the sole provider or earns less than his partner.  In addition, men who share family/parenting responsibilities are by definition providing time and energy for the benefit of the family.

One should look to another characteristic of traditional masculinity, the protector, to offset the angst of not being the major economic provider.  Taking the lead in meeting the non-financial needs of the family is a fulfilling responsibility for a man. The protector kills the spider climbing the wall, takes the lead in resolving disputes that affect the family and uses his inherent physicality when appropriate.  Protection is an aspect of being a provider and embracing the protector role can mitigate feelings of not being worthy because a man has less of an income than his female partner.