In a recent article about the notorious Tate brothers the writer indicated that the Tate’s disgusting and illegal exploitation of women is their response to the question, “Are men under attack?” Frankly, the readers of my blog know that I too believe that men and masculinity is under attack. However, the Tates and their many followers advocate a return to patriarchy and subjugation of women as the answer. Unfortunately, this message is resonating with a significant cadre of younger men who are struggling to embrace their masculinity.
We need a two-pronged approach to stem the tide of toxic masculinity without attacking manliness. Men, especially boys and younger men,- need a code of behaviors that that does not inhibit gender equality but restores pride in masculinity. At the same time men should exhort the media and advertisers to stop portraying so many men as incompetent, lazy and addicted to video games and sports betting.
There is a man code already in existence that can be taught and explained to both boys and older men. In my recently published memoir, “Walk Like A Man,” and in past blogs, I have attempted to show how the archetypes of masculinity developed by Moore & Gillette, when expressed in the light, can serve as the foundation of a man code. An illustration should be helpful. The Warrior archetype – takes action, confronts, commands, motivates– can be expressed in the light (I do) as a change agent, protector, disciplined, assertive, leader or in the shadow (I take) as a violent bully who uses aggression as a primary strategy and can be sadistic. By providing specific examples of how the warrior in the light responds to situations and contrasting how the warrior in the shadow responds differently we have provided a blueprint for one element of the man code. A warrior acting in the light is the best of masculinity while he warrior in the shadow is clearly toxic.
The man code proves helpful in understanding the repulsive behavior of the Tates. The Lover archetype – nurtures, sexual, connects, passionate, joyful – can be expressed in the light (I feel) as intimate, sensual, affiliated, emotionally expressive, compassionate, empathetic or in the shadow (I need) as an exploiter, selfish, emotional blackmailer, victimizer. It is abundantly clear that the Tates lover archetype operates in the shadow and is contrary to the man code.
Teaching the four archetypes (King, Warrior, Lover, Magician) with clear relevant examples of men acting in the light and avoiding the shadow becomes the basis of a man code that provides the pathway for developing a healthy non-toxic masculinity.